it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
