It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
