You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
