Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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