Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
