mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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