mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
