ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
