so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
