walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
