dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
