I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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