Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
