I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she woke up with a sticky ear
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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