How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
