my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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