he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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