I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize