Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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