don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I had to cum in my sink.
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