im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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