:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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