Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize