Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
