my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
