So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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