I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
