my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In other news, I just burned my penis
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
And then he peed in my hair
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