So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
