she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
