Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
