How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
