Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
