I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
