If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize