yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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