what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
