i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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