Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize