I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
