That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
