is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
