Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
