have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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