The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
