Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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