I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
