I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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