its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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