So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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