Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
