I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
