The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
