the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
