you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You are the jesus of drinking
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
