I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
