Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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