She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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