You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
